"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." This part of the Serenity Prayer has recently become my special companion. The most important thing it is teaching me is to recognize "the things I cannot change."  All my life I lived under the illusion that I could do anything if I worked hard enough and smiled at enough people. Years ago, a boss of mine in pharmaceutical sales wrote on one of my evaluations something that fueled my hard work ethic, "Carolyn, has a 'can do' attitude." I translated that into, "There's nothing I can't do" and proceeded to work very long hours and smile the whole time.

John was part of that equation. The two of us loved a challenge! His ingenuity and hard work coupled with my smiles and hard work got us through lots of challenges. Challenge for us was adventure.  We had amazing life experiences together that we called "adventure. Neither one of us would look at a challenge and say, "this is a thing I cannot change."

Now it's two years after his death and my singular challenge is to adjust to this thing I cannot change. It's humbling and it's heartbreaking. The heartbreak might be a thing I can change - over time, through prayer and community. Some very wise people promise me that I'll eventually hurt less.  But right now, I wouldn't mind a little serenity in my life as I navigate forward.